Writing

I want to write a story about something horrible that is happening in my family. Now, that's not really new - I've done it before, but always felt weird and awkward and guilty. And, I think, it created a distance between me and my characters because I was trying hard not to think of them as who they were masking, and so pulled back too much.

This time, it's worse because I want to write about a family member who recently tried to kill himself, but in my story he will have succeeded. Is that horrible or what? I already had started a story about this relative, set in the past, before I realized how that past was still influencing his present. Can I continue it, now? Can I create the ending he wanted but hasn't yet met? What happens if I write it and then he manages to actually commit suicide?

The irony is that I am always worried about what people will think when I get published and they read my stories. Like I'm really getting published.