Waiting

If I don't get my period soon, I'm going to go crazy. No, of course I don't mean that in the way women usually do, as there is no possible way I am pregnant. I'm just old. I've had a semi-erratic schedule for a year or so, but my doctor shrugged and said it's just my age and nothing to worry about. So I'm about 20 days late now, but late is relative if there is no longer the necessity of a schedule (a practice Amtrak seems to be following lately, too - is Amtrak going through "the change"?)

I don't think I'm especially bitchy lately, but have been periodically weepy (yes, that's a pun) at strange times - like watching a Holiday Inn commercial during a marketing seminar last night. And I'm convinced I'm having hot flashes because I am hot a lot, although let's face it, it's been 90+++ degrees lately and EVERYONE IS HOT. Still I sit there and feel the sweat collecting on my forehead and stare at people next to me thinking, are they as hot as me? I wasn't feeling it this strongly a minute ago. Is this what growing old feels like?

I don't really think it's hot flashes. I think I'll know them when they come, like orgasms or dead fish. Oh, yes, that's a pretty lurid comparison, but it's true about the fish. I sometimes have fish that are lying and not moving and I wonder if it's dead and of course it isn't, because when it is, you immediately can tell, there's no question. There's something in the dullness of the color, the emptiness of the eyes.

I've also leveled out on my weight loss, something that always happens pre-menstrual. It's also because I've been traveling and hosting guests, and not as diligent on my eating plan as I've been. I've pretty much maintained for three weeks, which is fine. But I know as soon as my period hits, I'll drop a pound or two, which will serve to pscyhologically get me back on track.