Saturday, February 10, 2007

Happy Valentine's Day, Early

I feel like I've been extra bitchy in this blog lately, and I guess I haven't been in such a great mood these past weeks. Part of it is this realization that so much of my time is taken up doing things to keep my life in motion - working, going to the gym, cleaning, shopping, eating, running errands. It seems endless and, sometimes, pointless. When I'm done what do I have but more to do to keep it going? I think it's different for those of us who live alone, whose intermittent moments of freedom are not usually saved to spend with someone special.

Is this pre-Valentine's Day self-pity? Maybe. I don't usually feel sorry for myself for being single. I've been single for so long that it is the norm, which has become one of the impediments to ever changing it - I'm so used to doing things by myself that I don't feel a driving urge to find someone to share them with. I know I have to make a real effort to get out there and meet someone, but I'm usually fairly happy alone so the idea of actually putting myself out there is daunting. Easier not to.

A co-worker of mine (who is at least a decade younger) had a blind date on Friday night and the rest of the "girls" were all over her with advice and good luck wishes. My only thought was that she should try not to come off as so desperate, because she really is desperate to find a man and not be alone, and it shows in every interaction I've seen her have. I've never wanted to be that kind of woman, but I suppose the result is that I haven't allowed myself to care enough.

Ahhh, early morning self-analysis. What more could one want?


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