Resolve

And, all of a sudden, it's autumn. After several weeks of lingering summer temperatures, we have cool sunny days. Boots instead of flip flops. I bought a new pair of boots last week and they are so comfortable I am afraid I might just wear them every day until spring. They are dressy enough for skirts, so even when I wear them to work with the intention of swapping for a pair of the dressy shoes in my bottom desk drawer, they somehow manage to stay on my feet all day.

Ok, so you know what is making me miserable? The 55 pounds I lost last year has dwindled to 40. Slowly, to be sure, but with a boost of 5 pounds in the last few weeks that has made the difference between fitting into my new clothes and not. I keep reminding myself that I did it before, that I know how to turn this around, that I refuse to keep sliding upwards back to my old weight, and yet, every time I get two or three positive eating days under my belt, "something happens" that destroys my resolve. (A cupcake party at work, a client dinner, my birthday.) I need new resolve, because none of these things are insurmountable. None of these things are anything but excuses.

And yet, as I prepare to leave next week for three days in Atlantic City (a business event, with many hours of work and potentially zero minutes of enjoyment), I think that I will have no control over the food that is served to me during that time, so why bother behaving now?

The trouble is, I see the holes in my logic, I know the games my brain is playing to please my palate, but the only time I have the drive to argue back is when I'm trying to pull up the zipper on a skirt that just doesn't quite fit any more.