Monday, March 03, 2008


Or at least snippets. In one, I was cleaning out a refrigerator and found this long eel-like piece of fish that I knew I'd bought several days earlier, and figured was bad. I set it out on the counter to determine how to dispose of it and continued sorting through the other food. I glanced up and it was wiggling, moving, flopping like a fish, a big long flesh-colored, snake-like thing, suddenly alive and gasping on my kitchen counter. (Yes, I see the phallic symbolism here. But why would I want that on my kitchen counter, and why would it be suddenly alive and flipping like crazy?)

Then I was in the tunnels under Rockefeller Center, heading past take out food places and lower level entrances to corporate buildings, toward the subway, and right where Woolworth's used to be (when I worked in that area) four of my current co-workers were huddled, one talking very quietly and seriously to the others. I wondered if I walked up to them, if they'd include me in their secret, or if they'd clam up and pretend to be on about something entirely different, and if I'd know which was which. I finally decided to simply wave "hello" as I passed, but the leader of the group, K., came running after me and told me that she simply had to tell me, she was sworn not to tell a soul by a client, but she couldn't not tell people, and a woman on the other side of me (because now I realized I wasn't alone), said, "Is this about WW 3?" And K. said, yes, yes, that's it, and said how she knew for a fact that it was true, her source was really reliable: that we had entered into a third world war, but the government didn't want the public to know, since it was doomed and we were all doomed and why upset everyone? And I knew that she was wrong, but even so, felt a hollowness in the pit of my stomach, and started to rattle off (in my head, for she'd run off again), all the reasons it was illogical: there was no way to hide this from the media, they'd need to recruit many many more soldiers, too many people would know and you can't keep that big a secret if even more than one knows it, plus there was the foreign media, etc.), but I woke up and all this reasoning was still running through my head as if I needed to crystallize it and write it down for the next time I saw K.


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