Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Down, down, down

Christmas eve and feeling down. I can't pinpoint the reason. Maybe a combination of several. Let's try to list them, because naturally that will make me feel better, right?

- I have apartment stress, as a leak from upstairs is growing on my bathroom ceiling and I'm unable to get it looked into due to the holidays (compounded by my being out of town) and of course, it's not my leak but that of the upstairs neighbors, so I have to pester them about it which is uncomfortable.

- I am on vacation but am still being asked to do things for work, which I can't not do, not now, when people are getting laid off, when I need to prove my value. It's not too much actual work, really, it's just the constant buzz in my brain of feeling the need to check in.

- I am not looking forward to my trip out of town. I know that it's not unusual to view time spent with family as stressful, but it's aggravated when everyone is stuck in the house by cold weather, when extra people means it's more likely the well runs dry, when random peripheral relatives

UGH just as I wrote that I received a call confirming departure time for tomorrow. I read what I wrote above and feel silly, stupid. Yeah, some people are coming over who aren't my idea of family, but they're perfectly pleasant people and don't deserve my thinking of them as annoyances. Yeah, I will likely be given dirty looks each time I shower, but I can live through that. Yeah, it will be noisy and crowded when all of the family kids descend upon us in one afternoon, but I can escape, or, even, join in their fun. Why am I being such a Debbie Downer?

I just spent a couple of days with some other family members who were visiting NYC. The irony is that one of them spent much of the time complaining, about one thing or another (the proximity of our table in a restaurant to the door and then, almost as vehemently, the proximity to the heater in another establishment; the number of stairs down to the subway; the "language" of two teenagers crossing the street in front of us; the prices of items in the luxury department store we dashed into for warmth.) I listened and thought, I hope I never sound like that.

And I won't. I am vowing, now, here, to be positive and upbeat for the next 4 1/2 days until I am home again. Because, I can't change everything around me, but I can change how I respond to it.



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